Struggles Without A Heart
by EclareANDGirfan
Summary: Eli and Clare have traditions, but when Julia dies Clare has to stop him somehow from losing control. Eclare, Jeli
1. Youthful Rebellion

** Struggles Without A Heart**

**TO LET YOU KNOW! (hey guys) THIS \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ IS WHO'S POV IT WILL BE FOR THE CHAPTER**

**Chapter 1: Youthful Rebellion (Elijah "Eli" Goldsworthy)**

It was the first of April. I stood waiting by my locker for _her. _But I would have to wait constant hours filled with teachers before I could see that cute little face. It was almost the same face you saw on a TV show. Finally she showed up. "Hello cutie. How's _your_ day been? Mine has been horrible." I brushed a strand of hair away from her face. Her straight, black hair made her more perfect. The girl I loved was talking to me about her day, and all I cared about was making her feel better. "Are your parents still fighting?" I asked her that quiet but meaningful question. With a sigh and a scared whimper she whispered in my ear, "My father died last night." As I stood frozen she clung to my body and I felt tears soak my Dead Hand shirt. It reminded me of my best friend Clare's past.

_Sirens wailed outside the Edwards' house. My 6 year old legs carried me to the ambulance, but only that far. "Eli. Don't go any farther. Clare is fine, it was Helen." I heard weeping come from the upstairs bedroom of the Edwards house. It was the same weeping I had heard many times, mother and/or father yelling, seeing druggies around Ontario, it was all the same. By the time I tried to remember all the times I had heard Clare cry I was already in a warm embrace. "I-I," the sobbing never stopped, "I miss her Eli! I'll never be able to feel her hug. I'll never get to have a meal with her ever again!" I felt so bad for her. She had lost the most important thing in her life. "It will be alright Clare. I'll always be right by your side for you. I promise."_

So far I have kept my promise. I couldn't see Clare though; she went to Degrassi Community High. I wrapped my arm around Julia's shoulder and gave her a quick chaste kiss on her cheek. All I could think about was how she felt.

I left school early that day; I wanted to comfort Julia with a surprise. I was never sure what gift a girl like Julia would want. So as soon as she came out of her last class I panicked. I hid from her as she walked outside the school with a mob of giants. She passed by me, but I was sure she was looking all over for me. Her eyes kept on moving from left to right, scanning for my jet black hair, emerald eyes, and perfect smile. I took her in my arms and kissed her. Her first reaction was being shocked, after that her hazel eyes closed. I put my arm around her hips as soon as the kiss was over. I knew there was nothing I could do more than be there for her. I took her on a walk through the Larkwood forest. In front of my eyes I saw the most beautiful thing ever, an abandoned church had been destroyed, but the beauty would last there forever. With a stone the fell off the wall I carved _Eli + Julia_ in a heart. I saw her face turn from a frown to her showing her crystal white teeth. She decided we should leave our portrait here.

_I was next to my new girlfriend Julia in line. The date I promised to keep in my mind, March 25, 2010. We had finally gotten out of and away from the harsh bullying air blowing Julia's scarf back. There were cameras everywhere. The photographer, Sheldon Stein, had chosen a new camera for each new person or each group of people. Julia and I had gotten an old antique camera that looked like it came out of a movie from the early 1900's. She crossed her arms and tried her hardest not to smile. Her black overcoat buttoned up to the top, in Ontario, it was just getting past winter. I did not smile either. Her life was beginning to be horrible and I could not smile while my love's life was fading away._

I hid the portrait behind some wood pieces so she got my message that I would never forget March 25, 2010.


	2. The Wishing Well

**Chapter 2: The Wishing Well (Clare Diane Edwards)**

Dinner with Eli, Bullfrog, and Cece was strange tonight.

Eli barely touched his food and looked worried.

If he was worried we could be twins.

He and I walked up the soft orange soda stained stairs to my room.

I took his backpack of supplies and set it on my chair.

"Are you sick?" I looked into his eyes, his face was turning pale.

"What do you mean?" He replied shortly after thinking of what to say.

"You're acting weird, Eli. What are you hiding from me?" I stumbled across the room to my bed, not minding the mess making me trip.

I pat the sheets on the bed next to me, signaling for him to come.

He gulped and sat. I put my head on his shoulder while he placed a gentle hand on my arm.

"Julia's father died last night. I didn't know how to help her. She's not as easy to calm down as you."

For a worried Eli, that sounded very calm. I wondered if that was all.

"All I have to do to you is… Tickle you!" He jumped up and began to tickle my stomach.

I couldn't help but giggle, Eli had been with me so long he knew all my weaknesses.

"Eli," I kept on giggling, "Stop," I tried to kick his hands away with my feet, so he knew to stop.

That night Eli didn't sleep at all. I knew that simply because as I snuggled into him all I felt was a pair of eyes watching me, making sure I was alright.

I guess that since everything is crashing down slowly for Eli he wants to know I'll be alright.

I wake up to Eli kissing me on the cheek, dangerously close to my mouth. "Good morning sunshine!" he almost cheers. He was happy to know I woke.

I groaned. "Saturday morning bagels?" I asked. Eli tossed off the sheets and handed me my Puppy Slippers.

Morty wouldn't start that morning, so Eli and I walked holding hands to the Einstein Brothers Bagels down the street. People looked at us weird; they thought we were a couple. I began to think adults didn't have best friends.

I loved walking inside the glass door and hearing the bell ring. The hard part was choosing. Luckily though, one day our parents had given us $50 and we had a bagel tasting. My favorite was a blueberry bagel with cream cheese; Eli's was a strawberry bagel with peanut butter.

"I love Saturday bagels." I let a secret out to Eli who was sitting across from me in our booth.

"I can tell." He said taking a bite.

The news turned on, and since all Eli was doing was worrying about Julia, I decided to watch.

"_Last night a 16 year old girl, Julia Kalipsi, was found dead in the streets. She had taken off on her bike to visit a friend when she was hit by a car."_

I nudged Eli so he would turn his attention to the news. Shortly after I saw a tear roll down his cheek.

"Eli, it'll be alright. You're fine, safe with me," Trying to calm him from anger and sadness like this wouldn't work.


	3. A Boiling Pot Of Water

**Chapter 3: A Boiling Pot of Water**

**_Clare's Pov_  
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"Shit!" Eli exclaimed as we drove along the bumpy road back to my house.

"I know you loved her," a tear committed suicide as it jumped from my eye, "but Eli, maybe it's time you realize she will always be with you." I pointed my purple nail at his heart. "In here." His eyes stared at the road, making me notice how much he loved Julia. "I will always be by your side," I kissed his cheek, it was how he used to calm me down, I guess we got used to doing that without being embarrassed or not giving the other one the wrong intention. "I can't believe she's gone. It's my entire fault; I should've been there with her, instead of leaving her crying from her father's death." I felt shocked, afraid, and mad, my own best friend would leave me for a girl he hadn't even known for a year. "You needed something to get your mind off her. That was me, Eli. I'll be there with you thick and thin, but remember when you promised you would never leave my side, ever? You're breaking that right now!"

We pulled up to my house; the rest of the short drive back was silent. Eli wasn't going to speak to anybody except Julia, I knew that much. I felt furious, I felt angst, this wasn't the same Eli I used to camp outside with; Julia had changed him forever.

I knew and always remembered Eli being gothic, but that was never changed by Julia; his old father abused him. "This has to be some fucking prank!" My friend shouted during lunch. I placed a hand behind my ear out of exhaustion. "Eli can I talk to you in private, please?" He nodded shyly; I had no idea why he was shy now, maybe sober. "I love you, you love me, and Julia loves you too!" I whispered in the hallway up the stairs. "Please, Eli. I know you feel like your crashing down, but I'll always love you, and I'm not going anywhere soon." I hugged him, and in surprise for the first time he hugged me back. I never wanted to let go, he was so perfect and all I wanted to do was stay in his reach, for a lifetime I would stay; until we fall on the ground dead, but our arms still wrapped around each other.

I started to walk down the concrete driveway, until I heard a voice grab me and pull me back, "Clare, stay here for the night. I'm worried you'll die too. Then I'd have nothing." My hand intertwined with his, I whisper thankfully "I just need to get some clothes from my house."

"Then let's go." He let go of my hand and started running, a few seconds later stopped so I could walk to him. "I like the way we used to run as kids," he picked me up bridal-style and began running. I rang the doorbell as soon as he let me down. "Fuck, no answer." I replied. I walk to the backyard with Eli and climbed in the window. A few minutes later I was already beating Eli to his house. I think I finally got his mind off his dead-ex.


	4. Blueberry Pancakes With A Side Of Eclare

** Blueberry Pancakes With A Side Of Eclare**

**Eli's POV**

I needed Clare. She was now my life; she was my best friend, and my mind. All I needed was her.

"I love you, Clare," I whisper. She is cuddled into me with her face on my chest. I would've been dead if she wasn't my best friend. She was the most kind, caring, and sweetest person on Earth; and she was right here, snuggling into me. I wrap my arms around her and close my eyes, but not before checking the 3:14 on my digital clock. 3:14 is the only time I can let out my feelings to her.

"_Woo! Yes," Clare exclaims, she and I are seven, and we are getting soaked from running under the waves of terror of White Water Cannon. I hold Clare with my grip, not even noticing she's soaking wet from the water. She and I have just gotten off The Fly. Whenever she screamed all I wanted to do was tell her to look at me, but she knew that on her own from our experiences as youth children. As I look into her deep blue eyes I-_

Gasp. I turn and see Clare still sleeping next to me, I know I love her. It's in a best friend way, but how can I be having these dreams. The wonderful times we have, but it's only about her. She has been my best friend for life! I can't love her; it might ruin everything we have. That thought was then put to the back of my head, to stay there forever.

"Eli. Eli. Eli! WAKE UP!" I felt someone carefully releasing me from my rest. As my vision went back to place I knew it was Clare. I couldn't talk to her yesterday; I couldn't look into those big blue eyes without telling her I love her. It was too much for me to handle. I had no other words to say, the only thing I knew was that I wanted to be with her, but that option wasn't available on the Clare test.

"Hello, beau-"I shut my mouth. I didn't want my dream to come true. "Were you just about to call me beautiful?" She looked into my eyes, I tried not to scream the words at her, and I needed to edit my sentence. "W-Would you mind? Is it too much? I'm sorry it's just that-" She cut me off, putting her soft ivory touch on my hand. "I get it, Eli. We have these strange feelings for each other. I couldn't wake up this morning without almost kissing you!" I couldn't hold my thoughts in my head any longer; they would not jump off the cliff I set them on. "So," I changed my gaze to the sun shining on glass, "What should we do?" I hesitated, afraid of the answer. "This has happened to me before with you, remember when I said we were going on a vacation 2 years ago? We weren't, I tried to get some space between us. But I could never let go of that feeling! Then you started kissing me and I felt like you loved me too." She pretended to run out of breath, and her body fell back onto the bed. "Well, I love you," I wanted her to say the same words to me; but feared they would be hiding. Suddenly the best thing in my life happened. I felt a soft pair of lips crush against mine, and a pair of arms wrap around my neck. I kissed her back, taking this as a sign of her letting me know I didn't have to hide in the closet any longer.

"I love you, too." My whole plan had worked; I decided to take her out for a celebration breakfast. Clare walked with me in a blue Gir "Waffles" shirt, with Gir pajama bottoms. I walked in my Dead Hand shirt and black pajama bottoms. She was swinging my arm while holding my hand. Making sure out feet were at the same pace as our hands. My arm was about to pop off with each step we took to the little café called 'The Place to Eat'. Soon we arrived at the café and a waitress took our order. Clare and I had ordered blueberry pancakes. Suddenly a fist had plopped down on the table.


	5. Stuck Like Glue

**Chapter 5: Stuck Like Glue**

**KC's POV**

I hit my fragile fist against the end. The end of my love life, the end of the usage of my hand, the end of secrets held deep inside that emo boy's mind.

He shot up; the glare in his eyes hit my guts and made me rethink this.

"What the fuck was that for, ass?" That glare still hit me, I was paranoid now, and held my breath for dear God.

"Sure then, no comment. Spill Clare's drink all over her why don't you?" He signaled for Clare to stand, he also signaled for me to go away.

For a strange reason, I felt a second pair of eyes watch me from behind, I turn on my heels like MJ.

A pair of warm arms embraced me; along with a happy "I'm pregnant!"

It was Bianca, my girl.

**Clare's POV**

Tears fell from my blue eyes as Eli's arm wrapped around my shoulder.

Everyone except KC and Bianca stared at me as Eli rushed me to the washroom at the back of the diner.

Even the elders who wasted their time with decorated paper squares looked away from their games to stare at me.

As our feet trip and reach the rug behind a wall I turn and start a conversation.

"Alright, go to my house and grab me some clothes, sneak through that window and hand them to me. Just remember, now that you're my boyfriend doesn't change the fact that we're still best friends like we were since we were six." I explain, trying not to make him uncomfortable.

Before I could tell him anything else he had already jumped out of the window, leaving me stranded in a desert.

To be honest, I didn't know how to tell him. I wanted to be his girlfriend, but I loved being his best friend. It would've been so much easier to ask him to get me clothes if we were still best friends.

I don't think this is going to work, at least not now. Not yet.

When my other half returned with a back pack full of clothes I hugged him and told him the truth.

He did not react well, but understood my point. We were just best friends, and I couldn't move a step up on the totem pole yet.

"It's just me, there are just too many memories," I complained. He seemed amazed and heartbroken; I could tell he wanted to throw something at the mirror so he wouldn't have to see other self, in the other universe people could never visit.

"May I at least have a kiss before this is over?" His request was accepted. I crushed my lips against his. Soon, maybe someday, this could happen again.


	6. Before  You Go

** 6. Before You Go**

**(REMEMBER W&T= WALK AND TALK)  
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**Eli's POV**

The cotton and chichi red Polo had been stamped over. A small Degrassi stitching had been sewn over the Polo sign.

After I learned the heart-wrenching fact, I couldn't take a step in my old school. I knew my friends world miss me, but I had plans to make other friends.

My eyes met with a blue locker, standing next to the locker putting books in another locker was none other than Drew Torres. Clare had told me everything about him. How he broke Alli's heart, how every girl wanted him except her, every rumor or gossip was about him.

My heels felt like spinning, but I drove the other way. "Hello Drew." I blew the air I was holding in my chest out with a sigh.

"What's new?" He turned ninety degrees right to face me. "Do I know you? Are you new?" It felt like 20 questions.

"Yeah, I'm Eli. Clare told me about you." I whispered on my fourth word in case he and Clare weren't the best of friends.

"So… She likes me?" He took my explanation the wrong way, and gave me the fourth question.

"No. But everyone here talks about Mr. Torres." I opened my locker, not turning to face him.

"Mr. Torres is my brother, Adam." His face got closer to mine, turning his voice into a whisper, "Nobody likes him, because he's an FTM."

My combat boot screeched on the floor as I turned to face him, "I don't mind. Why is nobody his friend because of that? That's kind of rude."

Drew went back to facing his locker, "Fiona, his girlfriend, and I are his only friends. I don't know why people make such a big deal about it. It's like Riley Santos and Zane Park, the gays."

We started to W&T as the bell went off. Suddenly I saw cinnamon curls step in front of me.

I tapped on her shoulder, and she turned as well as another student in a beanie. "You're here!" She and I hugged each other, while her head was on my shoulder she whispered, "I heard rumors a new Goth boy was here, but I never expected it to be you! So um, what class do you have?"

I let her down and took the schedule out of my pocket. "Ms. Dawes. Who do you have?" She spun around and grabbed my hand.

Dodging people in the hallways she shouted, "Same as you! Wait!"

She stopped and turned, we clashed into each other and she gasped for air. "That kid in the beanie was Adam, Drew's brother."

I nodded and put my arm around her waist as we walked into class.

**In the classroom**

"Springtime is a time for flowers to bloom, new animals to be seen. So today, we will all be writing a story on animals coming out after hibernation. Remember, use your imagination."


	7. Lost Mind

**7. Lost Mind**

**Clare's POV**

Eli and I stood in line intertwining our fingers. I couldn't keep the feeling of love from hiding.

Finally Jenna and Sav moved away from the yellow slip to start a make out session. I knew their plan; they wanted to gross everyone out like always so people wouldn't sign up.

I had warned Eli about Jenna; she was the perfect looking cheerleader/soon to be prom queen type. He told me at his old school those girls had a reputation of getting pregnant, being able to sing and dance, and being the ultimate sluts.

He hadn't met any of the other cheerleaders. I took that as a good sign that telling him being a pervert was wrong all these years finally paid off.

When Anya, Riley, and Zane moved away us two were finally at the front, prepare to be embarrassed.

I took the pen swinging on a chain, swinging like it had hung itself. I signed my name and handed it to Eli. He was my role-model. He didn't care what people thought of his look, but besides his look, he could sing well!

He signed his name, but felt a hand over his. "Hey, how are you bad boy? I'm Jenna, by the way. Want to dump this bitch and go with me?" Her fragile voice was suddenly sex-crazed.

I slapped her. "Eli isn't going to be with a slut like you. His ex-girlfriend just died the other day! And you want to steal my best friend from me?"

I raised my voice on the last sentence, "I'm the only piece of his life he has left, Jenna!" I shouted at her.

Two tears fell from my eyes, each falling for a reason. The left because I remembered how horrible his old life was, the right because Jenna had stolen my old boyfriend, KC from me.

Eli gave an asking smile to the people in line and pulled me to a bench two feet away from the sign-up sheet.

"Everything is fine, please stop crying," He whispered to me. He wiped a tear off my cheek.

Just like that, tears stopped falling, but I felt horrible still.

My voice cracked as I started crying again, "I just don't want to lose you again." I put my head onto his shoulder.

"She ruined my life."

"I'm sorry. She seems like she's after you. But it's only because she's jealous of you. Now stop crying for me." He comforted me and placed a kiss on my cheek.

"I just. I think I'm ready." I nodded and folded my lips back into my mouth.

"Alright then should we have a coffee date at the Dot?" He asked.

"I'd like that." I spoke. Finally I could let the feelings out. I giggled as he started to tickle me and we walked out.

**Adam's POV**

I sat at the curved bench table at lunch with Fiona. "Clare's friend Eli, I think their dating."

She giggled at my opinion, "Don't be silly Adam. I've had best friends I kiss on the cheek, hold hands with, and protect too!"

I sighed, maybe I was wrong, but then again, Fi was talking about her girl-friends. Clare's "best friend" was Eli. Stop it, Adam! They're just friends!

"Adam, are you okay? You look kind of green." She reached over and put a hand on my forehead. "Your temperature is rising! Let's take you to the nurse." She grabbed my arm with her soft hands and put it at her side, clutching on it while staring at everyone nervous as we walked to the nurse.

"Is something wrong, Fi?" I asked as we arrived in the door way.

"I was looking for your friends." She replied, her voice so soft it almost sounded like a whisper.

"They went to lunch at the Dot. I think Clare's allergic to something, because her eyes were watering and she rushed out of here pretty quick if you ask me." My eyes went toward the ceiling when I said pretty.

"Or maybe they were on a date, and you were right." Fi said.

"Well this morning, she had her death grip on him and was screaming in Jenna's face." I sat down in the blue chairs; the nurse's office was a lot bigger and _spinier_ than I remember.

Before I knew it, everything went black.

"Adam! Adam!" I heard a voice shout from the blackness.

"Fiona? Is that you?" Suddenly I had a body, my body, in my uniform. But the blackness still aquatinted me. I stepped onto the blackness, feeling no ground beneath my feet.

Fiona appeared out of the darkness, holding a knife. "Adam," tears fell from her eyes, "I thought you were gone. I cut myself." She showed me her shaking arm. Her pale skin covered by a red cloth.

"Fi, what is this?" I questioned concerning.

"I _need_ you, Adam! I need you in my life!" She hugged me. I still had to ask her a final question, of which I'm sure she held the answer, deep, deep inside her soul.

"Where are we?" I asked, followed by a shiver of coldness. Her eyes grew black, her skin gray, she disintegrated right before my eyes.

The steak knife she held fell to the floor and bounced back up from a black trampoline. I knew the way out of here.

I knew that my only choice was my worst fear. I gently picked up the knife and placed it at my stomach.

"Don't do this, Adam!" A voice shouted.

A black figure of which I could identify directly from my mind stood a mile away from me, holding a candle.

"You know better, Adam. You know you don't want to hurt Clare, Eli, Fiona, and I." Drew shouted over the distance.

"I know my choice! I know my only way out! I don't know where I am, I only know the steps I've taken have lead me to this!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, Drew was gone too.

The candle he held fell to the ground. I ran with the knife to where the light flickered. The fire hit the ground, letting the black light up.

I was in the desert.


	8. Waiting For The Answer To Drop

** 8. Waiting for the Answer to Drop**

**Fiona's POV**

I stare at my love. He is a withered flower still blooming after being picked.

His eyes tell me his pain like a well-written novel.

I knew he had nightmares about, being lost, not getting to be with his love, and facing death.

I could read him like the palm of my hands.

But my palms had never said a word about how they loved me; never could they say a word.

I glance up at the clock. It is 7:25 P.M. I do not know what to do. I pick him up from his shoulders, standing him up straight.

I walk out of the halls of Degrassi, the only ones there.

**Adam's POV **

My feet are about to fall off. I hear haunting memories dancing in the air. Memories of when Eli came here a year ago.

"Where is he?" Clare panicked her voice shivering.

"If you're going to lecture him again," I complain, but even Saint Clare can cut me off.

"Fitz has a knife!" A pair of blue eyes screamed at me.

"Do-do you think he's going to use it?" I asked, now she was jumping.

"I don't know. Where is he?" She yelled. She looked like she was about to commit suicide.

"Looking for you." I answered.

Clare pushed past me. An hour later I saw Eli and her coming out of the clash of police cars. They both looked like they had been crying. Eli looked paralyzed.

I awoke. I was in my bed; Fiona was sitting on the edge.

"Fi," I called out. "Your here. How did I get here?"

"I carried you, silly!" I could smell champagne in the air.

"Are you drunk?" I asked, I knew the answer, but I was astonished.

"Yup, yup silly Adam!" She replied.

**Clare's POV**

After dinner, Eli took me on a walk. We went through the woods, kissed a little, until I saw my fear.

I was a Christian, and in front of me was an abandoned church.

But… Eli had graffiti on it.

"How could you graffiti on this place?" I asked, tears on springs about to launch.

"I loved Julia, and I took this opportunity to write it as a message to God." He answered.

"But then she died." I remember that horrid day.

"Yeah." He commented, dropping his head.

"You know what, its fine. I know you don't mean any harm." I reached up and kissed him.

"I love you, Clare." He whispered.

Our bodies sat down back against the wall. He cupped my face and kissed me. It was a few seconds before we had a tongue-battle.

"I don't think we should do this tonight. It's our first date." I glanced up at him; he looked into my eyes and whispered, "Clare, you're my best friend. I wouldn't try anything at all on you until you're ready."

"Thank you. I knew you'd understand." My mouth hushed the words. "I know you, so I know everything about you. I know when you're uncomfortable; I know when you're afraid; I even know when you're PMS-ing."

I groaned. "Don't remind me. I remember that talk loud and clear." He chuckled. "Fifth-grade memories." He said before putting his arm around me. I leaned my head into the crease of his neck, and we watched the stars glimmer until we both fell asleep.

When I woke up my head rested on his chest, his arms still wrapped around me. I looked at my father's watch I had given to him that was placed on his hand. It read 10:55.

"Eli, we got to go!" I yelled to him, trying to pull his arms off. It was no use, he was to strong, we weren't changed, and I probably looked like a hobo.

"What?" He mumbled, still half asleep.

"Let go of me!" I tried prying his arms off.

"Clare, look at the facts. Its 3 hours until school lets out, you look like you haven't showered, and you're trying to rush to school which is a half a mile away.

I did look at the facts hardly.

"Alright," I mumbled, "Want to go to my house to freshen up?" I asked.

"Sure." Eli shrugged his shoulders in response. We walked to Morty.


	9. Amnesiac

** 9. Amnesiac**

**Declan's POV**

"Hello, Adam." I greeted, bringing a fresh tray of glob over to the table.

"Hey, Declan. Coming to visit for lunch?" He asked. He knew the answer, he knew I heard from Fiona and wanted to check up on me.

I stabbed a bite out of my chicken cease salad with my fork. "I just wanted to see the how the best couple ever is doing." I answered. _Smile and nod, Declan. Just smile and nod, _was what I thought.

"Aw! That's so sweet of you, Declan," Fiona commented, "Well, thanks for coming. I appreciate it so much." She and Adam started eating their sandwiches.

I cleared my throat. "HJ and I got into Yale." I almost cheered at the sentence. A pair of arms from the other side of the table grabbed me and pulled me into a hug.

"Declan, that's so great! I hope Adam and I see you there!" Fiona squealed after the sentence, her jean jacket giving me a rash on the back of my neck while she pulled away.

I straightened my tie and fixed my collar before continuing to eat.

**Alli's POV**

Jenna, Sav, and I walked down the crowded corridors of Degrassi, all eyes on us.

I walked to her locker, only to notice she wasn't there. The slushy I had was dumped on the nearest loser's head.

I was so frustrated that Clare was not here today. One thing surprised me. KC, Clare, and Eli weren't here today.

Maybe KC stabbed Eli, so Clare is with him at the hospital. I scoffed; finally KC did something good besides have sex with Bianca.

Suddenly a tap hit my shoulder. I turn with a mean greeting only to know I had been rude to KC.

"Where were you?" Was my greeting to him, "I was going to pour the slushy on Clare's head," I waved the slushy cup in the air, the condiments no longer in it.

"Well than you'll have to go to the abandoned church. Yesterday I saw them kissing there, went back later and they had fallen asleep. My guess is they were there the whole night."

I shivered at the thought of them having sex if they did. Would Saint Clare do that?

"Then, let's go check." Jenna suggested. I thought of the idea. "Perfect," I said while spinning on my heels, "KC get the car started."

When we passed by they were no longer there. But one thing remained Clare's bag. I walk over to pick it up, but a converse stepped out from behind the shattered wall.

"Well, well, well, hello Alli. Need a new bag? I suggest the one in your foot high hair." Clare scoffed.

I needed to find a good comeback. And quick. "I would, but that's hair. You know, the stuff-" Clare had cut me off before I could burn her, "Yeah, I know I have real hair. Unlike you with your chemicals, wigs, and oh yeah, your gigantic nose matches it!" Clare shouted.

I felt so horrible. A second pair of feet stepped out from behind a different wall.

"Oh, hey Eli." I rolled my eyes. He crossed his arms and spoke, "I believe you have it wrong. I told Clare how to greet me; I have to tell you now too."

He cleared his throat before continuing, "'Hi Eli how are you?'" His foot stepped to the right and turned to face where he was a second ago, "'Fine Alli thanks for asking.'" He nodded while saying the last sentence.

I roll my eyes. "Wow, good for you, Eli. Well, I hope the facts don't get around, oh wait! I'm here!" I pointed to myself. A surprised Clare asked, "What facts?" I answered her, "About you having sex! We're not idiots!"

Clare went to her backup files. A.K.A the Revenge Files. "Well then I guess I'll tell everyone about you and Owen, Jhonny, and you sending the Bianca pictures!"

Clare and I used to be best friends, but then Eli wanted to be with her all the time, her and Julia. I was always best friends with Jenna, and she has a baby now. It's a boy by the way!

So Clare got all clingy and didn't know he was manipulating her. I told her he was a rotten apple, but she said I didn't know him like she did. I became the popular one because I left Clare.

"So it _is_ true! You did have sex!" I screamed in her face. "Alli, I'm a virgin! I wouldn't have sex with Eli! It was out first date yesterday for lunch! You used to be better than this." She folded her arms like an envelope.

Then Clare did something I forgot she could, she kicked me in the face.

I ran crying, but the thoughts of her gray skinny jeans and green converse flying up paralyzed me. Her jean jacket and pink blouse also turning her back to do a back flip afterward.

**Clare's POV**

"I can't believe she was my best friend once." I mumbled into Eli's chest. He rocked me like I was the second ticker on a grandfather clock. "I can't believe she would start a rumor like that. How bratty of that rich girl, Alli." He mumbled back.

Tears soaked my face, everything we had been through together, but she attempted to assassin my life by words. Each word was like a saw cutting through a layer of skin, until reaching my blood line. Footsteps approached breaking the moment.

"Drew, what's new?" Eli greeted after identifying the outline. "Nothing. Um guys, can I talk?" He asked. We both nodded and stepped towards him. "Alright well, Jenna is trying to bribe me to spy on you." He shared the private info.

"Why does she want anything to do with us?" I asked. He shook his head, "I don't know."


	10. One Line Filled

**10: One Line Filled**

**Clare's POV**

"Don't worry," I said my voice in a shaky tone that anybody could unravel and find the truth hidden in between the lines, "We can figure this out. I have a plan that's bulletproof. Eli and I sat on the couch, my arms crossed, and my eyes focusing on the ticking clock.

"Well then we have to tell Drew." Eli commented. I could tell he deeply wanted a lie to stay hidden, shivering in the corner. I nodded.

We had nothing but time, but that was ticking away. _I had to have these strange feelings, didn't I! _I thought.

Our bodies stood up, and our hands intertwined. Only to be separated when Eli headed for the hearse and I headed for the sidewalk.

"Clare?" He asked, pointing to Morty. "Do you want a ride?" I hesitated, not knowing if he would agree with my decision.

"We should walk there; I get car sickness really easily." I pointed to my mouth, gesturing me puking. He shut the hearse door and shoved a left hand in his pocket, the right held my hand again.

"I really don't know why Alli had to think we had sex! She is Alliah Bhandari right? Did she even listen like you do?" I asked.

He had a playful smile on his face and said, "I'm sorry what?" I gave him an annoyed face.

Bianca walked behind us. "Hey B!" I greeted. She walked to my right side so she wouldn't make Eli and I let go of each other.

"What's up, Clare?" She asked. "I'm sorry about KC. I know what he did so I dumped him. I've had my eye on Drew for a while now anyway." She twirled a strand of hair around her finger.

"Lucky you." I said, she returned a confused look in which I replied, "We were just going to talk to Drew."

The rest of the way was spent by jabbering about normal stuff going on in life, like how everyone was supposed to die on Saturday, May 21, 2011. And how Obama the president kept on cheering about Osama's death.

"Drew, you home?" Eli shouted to the upstairs window. A head peaked out carefully as if there had a secret meeting happening.

"Oh hey, what's up guys?" He asked. I held up two fingers and said, "One, B wants to go out with you. Two, we'll tell you lies about our dates so you can get your money. I know you need it because you're living in an apartment." I gestured to the building.

"Yeah, I need the money, but it is just money so if you don't want to that's fine." He hesitated at our closing deal. A quick wink was given to Bianca and she took it as a yes and squealed.

"Alright, tell them we were dared to stay in the park overnight." I said, giving him two thumbs up.

"Okay. Then B and I can go on a date, dinner?" He asked Bianca, knitting his eyebrows together.

"Sure. Seven o' clock come pick me up." She said, and climbed up the windows to plant a kiss on his cheek.


	11. Blue Deepness

** 11. Blue Deepness**

** Rated M for: Language, Lesbianism, and Sexual themes**

**Bianca's POV**

I take a quick twirl and curtsy to my mirror so I can get a look at every angle. I'm dressed in an olive green V-neck dress, straps tying around my neck from the V. It's about to my knees. Matched with the perfect silver stilettos I move on to hair and make-up.

I straighten my hair and put on a nude makeup look. I was getting all dressed up for Drew; I guess I want this to be perfect.

Drew pulled up to my house in his car. I watched him walk to the front door from my upstairs bathroom window. Three knocks hit my door, in which my reply was to open it.

I saw beauty; the man I was staying with for an hour or two was standing in front of me, holding a red rose.

"Wow. You look absolutely stunning, B!" He said, checking me out. I took his hand and walked with him to the convertible. Drew's family was rich, almost richer than mine.

"So where are we going?" I asked. He looked away from the steering wheel when he started the ignition. "Well, I know girls like you like romance, but what about romance, and fun?" He asked. "W-What do you mean?" I stammered.

"Have you ever heard of the Rainforest Café?" He asked, facing the wheel again and starting to drive down the highway.

Memories came flooding back in my mind. I loved that place.

_A giant robot elephant walked up to me, pretending to stomp on me. The last time I had been here I was 13. I was here on my first date with Mark Fitzgerald._

_He ordered for him and me and walked me to the gift shop. I ended up buying a backpack designed to look like a frog. _

_The food was delicious, steak and sweet potato fries. But I loved the ending; we were at Downtown Disney in Florida watching the fireworks be set off. One was special, sentimental, it spelled the word beauty._

_Mark or Fitz as he calls himself now said it reminded him of me. We held hands while walking across a LEGO bridge to LEGO land. There were thousands of sculptures in every inch._

I couldn't believe I was here again. I felt like a little kid walking through the entrance to be greeted by a sweaty guy in a frog costume.

"Hey! Hey!" A voice boomed. Drew looked down to see a little boy tugging on his shirt.

"Hey, buddy!" He greeted. I assumed he knew the kid. I tapped him on the shoulder gently, but it was hard for him to hear me under the loud nature music.

I had to ask my question about a thousand times before he and I stood surrounded by reflections of us on oak.

"That kid is my little brother, Ryan." He replied to my question.

Brother? Drew had a brother and never told me? That boy had dirty-blond hair and was still four-foot something. He had said something about fifth-grade during school. So was Drew adopted?

Once we finally got our bamboo trays, I thanked Drew. He kissed me once the cheek, suddenly I couldn't feel it, and it was so in awe.

A plateful of caesar salad made my first evening event. Drew and I shared a sirloin steak along with a side dish of a baked potato. We laughed at every child who got scared because of the robot-rhinos.

Drew drove me to my house. Knowing that my parents were gone I invited him in. He lived alone, so it wasn't like anybody would mind.

As soon as I shut the door I grabbed Drew and pulled him to my bed. I lay on top of me, sliding his tongue into my mouth.

I tore off his shirt with my tongue, my hands busy unbuckling his belt. He had gotten off my tank top by the zipper in the front, his hands feeling soft running down my stomach.

He pulled off my leggings and super short jean shorts, leaving my bra and panties on. I ran my hand through his hair noticing the clock only saying 12:35.

Once he and I were completely naked I flipped over. He entered me carefully as I moaned.

"Does this mean I'll have a second date?" I asked in the moonlight, his eyes lit with joy as he said the word 'yes'.

**Jenna's POV**

Alli and I were having one of our Friday night sleepovers, but this time I felt uncomfortable. Whenever she sat on the couch, I wanted to scoot closer to her.

She looked at me with those big brown eyes, sending warm breathes into the air from me. I scotched a few inches closer to her, and reached for the popcorn bowl. I made sure my arm touched her body as it stretched.

"Jenna," She moaned, she put her head back on the couch, "Please." I moved my leg, straddling her.

I licked her neck making her moan. She ripped off my shirt and kissed my breasts through my bra.

It was the first time I realized why couples are hooked together, why people jump out of planes, why my relationship with Dave did not work out.

I moaned, Alli had moved down, sending kisses through my panties. I was an attached dancer to the floor.

**I know, creepy ending! XOXO 3 I promise it won't be this sexual always. But it will always involve something sexual. That's why its rated M!**


	12. Shocking Absence

** 12. Shocking Absence**

**Eli's POV**

** Warning! Rated M for: Payback, language, and gore**

**I recommend you listen to a sad song while reading to fill the mood.**

The Saturday night air whistled to the outside of my tent. Adam, Clare, Drew and I were camping.

Clare was been snuggling into me the whole night. Occasionally I would kiss her forehead, making her giggle in her sleep.

While the tent darkened, and the lantern went out, I fell asleep.

"_I'm so happy for you." A sarcastic voice said, "The day after I'm not here you date Clare." She appeared in front of me, eyes watering._

_Her face was pale from her death, shirt covered with blood stains. My body fell at the sight of her. My heart slowing down from the look of my first love, the one I saw each day, covered with red splotches._

"_You should've known we wouldn't last. You saw the way I looked at you, trying not to think of her." I said, my eyes almost drowning. "You know I would give anything for you to come back. I may love Clare, but I still want to see you every day at Mayluve High."_

_She started crying and yelling in a soft voice, "But we can't make that happen! Unless you die, we can never be together." I took a step back and whispered, "I don't want to be with you, but I want to be your friend. I will __always__ love Clare. You can't change that Julia."_

_I noticed the surroundings were an earthquake; we stood on rocks, a black sky. Her rock crumbling before she could tell._

_I watched her fall, not needing to catch her. Tears fell to where she stood. I stood over the hole and watched her look up as she fell, fell to nothing._

"_Wait!" Her voice shouted again. I was about to jump into the hole, "Please Eli. Don't do this." She stood next to Clare. Both were crying._

_I walked up to Julia and gave her a hug and a kiss on her lips; I then took my place next to Clare._

"_Thank you, Eli," Clare said as she cried on my shoulder, "I wouldn't be able to live without you."_

_I knew it was a dream, but how could a dream feel so real?_

_I could feel Clare's tears, I could breathe, and I could feel my feet hit the rock. What was this? Was I just in a deep sleep?_

_I wiped away Clare's tears. "Julia will never come between us. She's shit that tried to pry us apart, and kill us forever."_

I woke up to the soft touch of Clare kissing me. Drew and Adam were still asleep, and it was still dark out. Clare and I started a conversation.

"You were crying," Clare whispered, "What happened?" I then realized I was crying, and spared Clare the details.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry; I know how hard this death was to you. I never imagined it would give you nightmares though." She whispered. She let me cry into her shoulder, pulling me close.

Adam woke up. He inspected his surroundings then asked, "Why are you crying?" I looked at his and mouthed the words, 'Julia'. He understood that moment, and patted my shoulder. "It'll be okay, dude. Things will get better."

I looked at him and shut my eyes while I began to speak, "I saw her covered with blood stains. Face pale, she was terrified."

Adam puffed a breath of air. "I don't know what to say. I mean-" I cut him off. "She tried to make me dump Clare for her."

I looked up at Clare, my face in her arms. She was staring down at me. "You didn't tell me that." She said. I felt it was so much I would never be able to say it.

Suddenly a fourth was filled, and Drew sat up. He looked at his phone. "Guys, its 5:48 in the morning! Why is everyone up?"

He looked at me, "Julia?" He asked. I nodded. "I'm going to go make some breakfast. There's a camper's lounge down the hill, if anybody needs me, you know where to look." Adam said. He got up and walked away

**6:15 Camper's Lounge**

I had lost my appetite. Clare took my fork and put a piece of the scrambled eggs on it after watching me sit with my hands at my side for several minutes.

"Eli c'mon. You have to eat sometime. I know that haunting image of Julia has taken over your mind, but don't let that starve you. We're camping at a park, you're with you friends, don't let one silly dream take over your mind. It wasn't real!" She said.

I took the fork out of her hand and took a bite. _It was a dream_ I kept thinking. Clare smiled and finished her breakfast chatting with Adam and Drew.

**8:52 Lake**

I rowed joking with Clare. She sat on the other side of the canoe smiling.

"Thank you." I said. She gave me a confused and self-proud look. "For helping me get her out of my head. My choice is clear now."

I splashed her with the paddle, I laughed at her screaming from me getting her sweater wet. The four of us just put on a jacket or sweater over our pajamas.

"Now give me the paddle!" She yelled, laughing as she leaned over to grab the paddles.

I sighed, "Alright," I handed her the paddles and she started rowing, "I'll just sit here and watch you row us to either safety of an island to be captured by the Pirates of the Caribbean."

She smiled and replied, "As long as I get the autograph Jhonny Depp. They can take Drew though; he's probably always wanted to meet Penelope Cruz."

I laughed at the thought of him meeting her, her character Angelica. Suddenly a black shadow appeared.

It all happened so quickly. A shark jumped out of the water and tore off an edge of Adam and Drew's boat. A bullet sank through the shark, causing it to fall deeply back into the water.

Luckily we were all cast in by life boats. Clare ran up to Drew and hugged him. He was inches away from dying.

I couldn't live like this anymore, my best friend was just about to die, just like my ex, her father, and Helen had passed.


	13. No Answer

** 13: No Answer**

**Bianca's POV**

I clutched onto my bed sheets. I had covered myself with the bed cloth embarrassed of him seeing my naked body in the sun light.

I could understand last night, it was pitch black and he couldn't a/o wouldn't be able to see me, but now he could.

I turned my head, planting my face in the pillow. Drew was still sleeping next to me, so I jumped up and grabbed my clothes.

I dressed then took a wishful glimpse at the clock. It was just stretching from nine o'clock.

I thought about last night, thought for about 10 minutes. Then that feeling came.

The feeling you have where your tongue rises up, protecting your mouth. I rushed to the toilet and threw up. Drew heard me and held my hair back after putting on his underwear and a long t-shirt to cover.

"Are you alright?" He asked. "Maybe you need something to eat."

I pushed him off, "No! Stay away from me, I-I'm," I stammered to say the P-word; tears jerked my eyes at remembering it was KC's, "Pregnant."

Drew grabbed a cloth and helped me clean up. "I don't mind." He finally said. "You'll still be perfect. You'll still be mine."

He moved a strand of hair out of my face. "I don't want it though. It's his!" I yelled, tears prickling me, I looked at the direction towards KC's house.

He grabbed my hips and kissed my stomach. "I wanted to be first. It will never matter if I'm not the bio dad, I'll still be a dad."

No other boy would stay with me after I told him that.

**Eli's POV**

I ran for the hills. I had been running for 14 hours straight, but it was my thoughts that kept me moving.

What if Clare was waiting at the bottom of the hill? Where would I go? It seems every person I get to be friends with dies in the end.

I saw beasts, thousands of them. I picked up a slithery serpent and let it slither along my arm.

What happened to me? I grabbed the menace and threw it off as soon as its fangs came out.

"I've been following you, I'm sorry. But I can help." A Barbie said.

I spun around to face that perky girl; I knew her, a player, cheerleader, and Sav's girlfriend. "What are you doing here, following me, you hate me." I reminded her.

"Never you, I hate Clare, but I've never met you." She turned her head, "You don't know the full story, the real story." I was suspicious, but knew it would be all lies.

"Let me hear your side, Gaga." I said, sitting down on a rock looking up at her.

"She was dating KC, and he wanted to date me. It was last year. I reminded him time and time over again he couldn't date me, so he made his moves in public. It made her hate me, she said I stole KC, but she was never near me enough that I could tell her."

I ran it through my head, reading inside the lines, words, and characters. "That doesn't explain why you diss her." I said, waving my hand at her. I stood up to listen.

"I never mean to. It's that look in her eyes, I can't control myself, I feel withered, she pulled me out of the ground and cut my roots." She was jealous, but didn't know that word, never going to get it out, always going to be jealous.

That was all I needed to know. I turned and began traveling. On my first foot I leaned my head down to my shoulder, "Go home, Jenna. This is between me and reality." I heard her footsteps leave.

I needed to find myself. I needed the confident writer, Clare's best friend, not that Goth kid.

I built up the urge to get up and head home, but _she_ was there too.

"Eli." She said, she was talking to Clare, it looked painful. It's life gripping to look into those mystery orbs and apologize.

Orbs approached me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. She whispered a "We need to talk later," into my ear, then sat back down in the reclined chair to talk to Jenna.

_**…**_

Clare lay on top of me, staring at the ceiling as well as me. "I want to move in with you. I need a break from my father, Darcy. S-she's coming back." She stuttered. I was surprised at her. "You mean with me, in my room." I asked, confused.

"You're still my best friend." She said. She twisted around to face me, giving me those pleading eyes.

I nodded. Bullfrog and Cece would understand. She kissed me and wrapped an arm around my neck. A wrestle began between our tongues.

She gasped for breath. "I…" She slid off me and went to the window. "I should get my stuff. Walk with me?"

That question brought back memories. I could see her eyes going through a flash back too. I got up and opened the window.

She climbed onto the tree and jumped down branches. She dangled a yard and a half above the ground, her hands slipping. I rushed down the branches but was to slow.

She fell and was grabbing her knee. A whimper came from her. Only I knew her perfect voice could become dreadful.

I jumped down the rest and rushed to her, picked her up, only to see her paste a smile over a frown.

"I think it's broken," She said, "That ruins my next month or two." She and I chuckled. I carried to her house and sat her down on the hammock.

"Grab everything," She said, "All of it. I don't want to leave a trace, I was never there." I did as asked. I came out with two duffel bags. I set them on the ground and held my pointer finger up at Clare, her reaction was just watching. I ran to her closet and grabbed a wheelchair.

Once she was in I slugged the bags over my shoulder and wheeled her back down the streets.

"You little miss," I said while wheeling her, I touched her nose with my finger, causing her to giggle, "Are now getting a full access pass to the Goldsworthy hotel, unrated for many reasons." She laughed.

_**….**_

I lay her down on my bed, and took an extra pillow from my closet. I set it down on my floor and lay down. I did NOT want to close my eyes. Clare might fall, or hurt her knee.

That morning I took her out of bed and carried her bridal style. She didn't wake, just wrangled around in her sleep.

I tried not to make the creaky old steps screech, or the door slam. For two reasons, one in my hold, the other ups the stairs at the 'Hotel.'

I took her to an orthopedic.

_**I know long story, you love it, and you hate it, not feelings toward me anyway.**_

_**So remember to press that review button, Or else I'll stop writing…. 4eva….**_

_**P.S. Not forever, but I'm thinking of writing a new story, I just got great ideas for this.**_

_**IDK tell me what u think. Should I post my ideas in this or write a new story?**_

_**ANNNNNNDDDDD…. SHOULD I BREAK CLARE'S LEG IN THIS OR NOT?**_


	14. If There Is An Escape

** 14. If There Is an Escape**

**Clare's POV**

"_Trust me. You_ _can trust me with anything." I gazed into his emerald gems, not remembering if I knew him or not._

_What if I never met Eli? "I don't remember you at all. Nothing is familiar."_

_He shook his head, his shaggy black bangs moving with every swing. "You can still trust me though. What if I said I remembered you, and you had Alzheimer's?" I ran my fingers down his arms, interlacing my fingers with his. At that moment I said, "I would believe you," and looked down at our hands._

_The canyon sun shined perfectly along his pale skin. He was my guardian. My guardian angel._

"_You have pretty eyes," he said in Degrassi's parking lot. He stood before a hearse, loud music pounding the speakers of his radio._

"_Thanks." I said. "Do you want a ride home?" He asked, I nodded and waved goodbye to Bianca. She walked off to KC._

_It rained on the way home; an awkward silence filled the car. "Where do you live?" He asked, I pointed toward the left street sign. Just turn here, I'll give you the address. "I'm Clare, Clare Diane Edwards," I said proud, I knew him from somewhere, I jotted down the address, "and you are?" _

_He slowed down for the turn, and stopped at the stop sign. "Eli Goldsworthy, no middle name." He reached out his hand to shake mine. I knew him. We were never separated, always together, but this was a dream._

_Suddenly I remembered the address, it wasn't important, but I handed it to him again._

"Clare! Clare, wake up!" He said. I did as told. "Where am I?" I asked.

He sat me down in a chair at the doctor's office, "I brought you here to get your leg checked."

I was surprised; usually I wake up at the slightest touch. "Thank you," I said, and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Clare Edwards?" A nurse asked. I put my left arm around Eli as he put his arm around my waist, his left hand intertwining my fingers with his.

"I can't move it at all; it feels as if it isn't there." I complained. The doctor tried tapping my leg, getting no reaction.

"How did this happen?" He asked. I blushed and dropped my face quickly; I pointed to Eli in a playful way and said, "It was his tree's fault." He stood up, "She's not tall enough to climb down the branches." He pretended to whisper to the doctor by blocking his hand from me seeing his mouth.

"You surely are lucky, Miss Edwards. You broke your leg, but not badly, only broke your right tibia." He said to me, checking boxes on a brown woof clip board.

"Come back next week at four, we should have your cast ready." He said, and then looked at the pain in my eyes. "We can give you crutches or a wheelchair if you'd like."

My heart beat like a woodpecker as I jumped out. The crutches I was used to, the publicity, not so much.

Eli held every door open, let me sleep on his bed while he took the floor, and cooked for me, all because of my leg. I had people sign my cast, one name stuck out, Jenna. It still felt weird we were friends, after all these years.

I guess she did me a favor, by taking KC. Otherwise I wouldn't have Eli.

"Eli I have to thank you for all of this." I said, turning to him and letting a sigh.

"For what, Clare? Everything I've been doing is because I care about you and shouldn't have let you fall out of that tree."

"I know, but beside that, you're mine. Usually any guy who is my best friend wouldn't have been my boyfriend, wouldn't have taken that first date break up well. None of that." I said. He picked me up and stood me on the ground, I held onto Morty's door for mercy.

I take leaps through the halls, B and Drew walk up to my side. "How's life with a broken leg?" Drew asked.

"It's… Never mind. So how's the baby?" I ask. Eli but in, "Is it a boy or a girl? If you have a boy I suggest the best name, Elijah!" He waves his hand in front of the air as if he were uncovering a Broadway sign.

"I'm only three weeks!" Bianca shouts to him. He smirks to her, and then notices all the eyes on us. We were finally the KC, Alli, and Jenna's we wanted to be, but we had Drew too.

"Clare," Bianca asks worried, I can see the misery from her thoughts like a cloud of smoke, "Are you alright?" She puts her arms around my stomach and back to support me.

"Your eyes are glossy." I realize with every step I take, my face feels number. "Eli, get her to the bench!"

And with that, he did. My breathing was heavy; I rest my head on his lap.

"This has been my worst week. Except the moving in part, that was the highlight." He sighed. "How about we do something you want? You always said you loved writing, but that's third period."

I hated math and science. I only went to advanced writing because Eli was in it.

"Guys, come over here!" B shouted. Eli carried me there and dropped my legs on the floor. Alli had died, was murdered. There was a note next to her bloody body, with my name on it.

"How did this happen?" I gasped. There was something in her hand, but her hand was behind her back. The Indian teenager had killed herself of jealousy I guess. She wasn't the star, and needed attention.

She wanted the WRONG kind of attention. Bianca passes me the small 5X5 note. Cream colored, with a red lacing.

My name spelled in cursive, her beautiful handwriting pressed the note. Red ink splats covered corners.

_Dear Clare,_

_ I realize my wrong; I realize everything I've done to you was because of him. Not Eli, not Drew, not Adam. It was KC. I love him, but I can't be with him now, not for a while. I want to apologize, I remember you as a best friend like in my dreams. You are the popular one, I wanted to be your friend, but the bad-phrased words seem to overcome my dreams. I forget about them. Please note I never meant you any pain._

_ Your wannabe friend,_

_ Alli_

The note ended. I pressed my fingers along the parts of the forgiveness that were drooped with ink.

Breaths creped down my neck, all eyes reading the note. It was personal, but I guess this was Degrassi.

I limped away, tilting my head down breathing through my mouth. I had just killed someone; I couldn't do this to God.

I crutched into the Jesus club. Linus was saying prayers to God. Once he heard me he looked up and into my orbs.

"Clare," A smile appeared on his face, "come join us, please." I sat down in the chairs, my jean dress patted down by me. "So," he said and turned in his chair to me, "what's on your mind?"

I couldn't speak, I handed him the letter. He read it over carefully and then began chattering with a student next to him.

"Group," everyone sat up, "let us all pray to Jesus and God for Clare. Would you like to do the honors, Clare?" His hand extracted to me, I sighed in my seat.

**Jenna's POV**

I sat on my legs by Alli's body. My former lesbian lover had been in love with KC. Was she caught in the moment? Out of nowhere a pair of combat boots appeared by me.

"You shouldn't be this sad." Eli said, I looked up at him, and sighed. I told him what had happened and he looked up as if looking into a flashback.

"I lost my love once, Julia. She was hit by a car." He closed his eyes in pain at the memory. "But then Clare helped me, I felt lost and scared. My love was gone forever. Jenna," he said, placing a sharpie-covered finger on my shoulder, "you need to find someone you love. What about KC?"

I flinched.


	15. Written Responce

** 15. Written Response**

**Eli's POV**

"Jenna!" I shouted across the zoo of pizzas. Two pairs of blue orbs looked my way. "Come sit with us!" Clare gave me a confused look, but Christina Aguilera came my way.

"Hey guys." Jenna said, she added a laugh. Adam looked at me and mouthed 'What?' I ignored him. "So," I cleared my throat, "Jenna, how's life without Al- um, never mind. What about mid-term exams?"

She nodded, "I find them the same as every other exam we've taken, not so difficult." She shrugged her shoulders.

A warm pair of arms grabbed me from behind, "Whoa!" I shouted, but a kiss met my lips. My girl was now in a wheelchair, she wheeled next to me, in the space between the benches.

"Clare," Adam said, his head almost dropped, "Can I talk to you, in the hall?" My two best friends were about to leave me with Blondie for a few minutes! How could they do this?

Adam wheeled Clare out of the cafeteria doors. "Eli." Jenna said. I turned my head. "Is something wrong with them?" Jenna asked. I shrugged my shoulders and began to eat my lunch, having regular conversations with Jenna.

**Clare's POV**

"I love Jenna, I do. She's one of the nicest people I've met. But that fact that Eli invited her over for lunch, I just can't deal with it." I said; I buried my head in my hands, leaving Adam shrugging.

"I know, that's why I pulled you out of there, I saw that you thought she was getting close to him. He would never do that to you though!" Adam yelled; nobody could hear us in this ghost town.

I sighed and lifted my head, my mouth wanting the jumping words to escape; I let them out before they could damage anything.

"If I'm her friend, should I care that she sits with us?" I said. Adam had begun to walk backwards after turning to see the letters on the lockers.

_Fuck you, Clare Edwards. _Was written on the wall, which person would do this? Adam slammed his fist against every letter and shouted, "I'm not going to let this happen, again!"

Again? It had happened before? When did these feeling turn themselves inside out before?

"A-a-again?" I stammered. He turned his head to look at me, then came and wheeled me back into the lunch room

** May 26, 2011 2:04 pm**

It had been exactly two weeks since the accident, and I was back on my feet. I wasn't used to walking when I got out of the doctor's room. Jenna had helped me walk.

I had grown closer to her, but she gave me a weird vibe, like she didn't want to be next to me every moment she was. Like the negative side of a magnet, connected to the other, but not by choice.

Bullfrog handed Adam his credit card, Eli was signing the papers. "It was my cast, my injury, I'll get it." I said, my parents walked through the doors.

"Clare Diane Edwards! Where have you been?" Helen shouted. She was my stepmother, and a big part of why I decided to move in with the Goldsworthy residence.

I slid behind Cece and Bullfrog, acting as if they wouldn't see me. I moved them apart and walked in between them.

"At Eli's house!" I shouted. Two weeks and they hadn't noticed I was gone. "Why were you staying at a boy's house for two weeks?" She shouted, my father tried to talk, but she kept shouting.

"Because you wouldn't understand! I love him! And I moved out because you moved in!" I yelled, walking towards my family. My old family.

"I understand plenty clear!" She said, my eyes rolling and my arms crossed. "No! You would never understand! He's been my best friend since I was six! And… I love him." The look on her face was plenty enough to know she hated me now.

She grabbed my arm, my heel tracking no fraction on the floor, I felt a hand grab my other, and I knew the touch anywhere and pulled my body toward him. When a shout broke out I was pounded on the street.

"Eli…" I winced. I felt hands pick me up, I saw Helen point at me with my father at her side.

Everything in slow motion like in games, COD games. Helen's hair waving as she shouted to me, Eli putting me in Morty, and Cece screaming at Helen.

"You'll be okay," He said as life was back to normal, sound, light, I could see the blood on my hands.

"How is this okay?" I asked as we began the voyage. "Just trust me, Bullfrog, Cece, and Jenna are in there fighting for you." My best friend, my new parents, I couldn't leave them there.

"STOP!" I shouted, the hearse came to a fault and screeched the screech a dying bird made. I ran out of him and back to the doctors. I RAN.

It felt like a rush, until my heart broke down from hearing his voice, the rush over. "Clare, where are you going? Stop it!" He screamed. I wouldn't stop for anybody else in the world.

"Come with me!" I shouted back and heard footsteps. I walked in and screamed at the top of my lungs to get everyone's attention.

"Every one of you just shut up!" I screamed. The freeze frame arrived. "Helen, Dad, I'm staying with their family and there's nothing you can do to separate us!" He ran in and took my side.

"Mr. Edwards, you know me! Don't hide it! You've known me for a long time to know I would only help Clare, not try anything on her." My father smiled.

"Good, Eli." Helen turned to him and gave him a frustrated look. He tried to ignore, but I could see him fail miserably. "You can stay with them, Clare." He said. I smiled.

A window shattered, Helen grabbed a piece and slit Eli's arm with it. He tried to cover it. I protected him from the blood-hungry demon standing in front of me.

She laughed manically, "Don't you see, Clare? This is all a trick to get yours!" She snarled. French glass ran along the floor in crooked lines. I picked one up and stabbed it into her arm.

"Nurse!" I screamed. The five who had come rushing came to his side, and some came to hers.

I followed them into Helen's room. "How could you do that?" I shouted, my knees almost locking.

"He wants you, Clare." She whined. I hit the desk, the nurse sending me out. On my way out I turned my head down and muttered to her, "You don't know him."

I ran down the hall and turned to Eli's room. "I'm staying with you." Faces turned as they got the stiches ready. That famous smirk appeared; I walked over and kissed him on his lips, but only for a second.

"What about your parents?" He asked. I smiled, "Cece and Bullfrog are going to be my guardians."

**May 30, 2011**

The stiches were gone, the bruises healed, I was on top of Eli, kissing him.

"I want to stay with you tonight." He gave me a confused look, "Are you sure?" He said.

I nodded. I wasn't sure how this was going to end, there were a bazillion positive ways, and I wanted to choose the one we were going down now.

I woke up to Eli tossing a shirt in my face. I giggled as I put it on; he slipped on his combat boots and walked out for me to get dressed.

I dressed in a pair of super-short tan shorts and a dark blue ruffled halter top.

I strolled over to the mirror after getting on my brown sandals. Placing a clip to move the hair behind my ear completed the image.

"Last night was perfect," I said as I walked under his arm on the door, he spun me around by elbow and kissed me.

"Jenna!" I shouted as I ran to her side, soon Eli caught up, but got sidetracked. I started a conversation with her but felt hands push out backs up the stairs.

"Guys, we have to go!" He said as we ran in.

_**OH NO! What's going to happen? **_**Anyway, hola guys! What's new? Nm for me too.**

**AND IF YOU WANT TO SEE CLARE'S CLOTHES GO TO MY PROFILE!**

And I leave you, with one more dose of Eclareosity, Colleen out!

Clare: I didn't mean to call you heartless. I'm sorry.

Eli: It's okay, it's the truth. I'm not the guy you think I am, I'm a monster, and you're the only thing that keeps this heart beating.

Clare: *Pulls him into a hug* No. You're not!


	16. Whatever Happened

** 16. Whatever Happened**

**Clare's POV**

"C'mon let's go," shouted the voice. I was rushed up the steps of Degrassi, tripping on every one. His hands turned cold and I felt Jenna corner-eye me.

"What's so wr-?"I stopped and turned. I saw _him_ walking out of the parking lot. I grabbed their hands and ran through the metal detector, it beeped with joy.

Jenna latched off after we passed; she stopped to talk to the security guard. Eli and I ran to our lockers.

Tears filled my eyes, and burned them down to the pupil. "I don't want him here!" I yelled through my teeth.

He passed by and noticed me. I wanted to run, my legs not superior to my strength. "'Ello baby," he said, and reached down to kiss me. I fell with my back against the lockers to every inch he pulled.

"Hey, you're mine!" He shouted, and gripped my arm. His nails dug deep into me, causing bruises. "N-n-no." I stuttered.

He grabbed my other arm, "What do you mean no?" He asked, I turned my head, Eli was gone.

I crushed lips with him, until I felt his grip lighten. I ran for my life, "Riley! Riley!" I shouted. His curly hair turned the corner, "He's back!" I gasped, his gaze turned up. "Alright," he said.

He walked toward Sean. I couldn't believe he would return.

I saw the fight break out, and slipped away as people grew to it. I bumped into Simpson, great, just what I needed.

"S-Sean's back!" Was all I managed to say, Simpson walked past me and I started running again. I crashed into a strong body. Arms wrapped around me, arms wrapped around him.

"Clare!" Shouted Eli. I opened my eyes, I was hugging Drew. Bianca walked over with that look. "Why are you hugging him?" They both yelled.

I looked up, and backed away from Drew, I walked confused. "I'm sorry," I told Drew, "I thought you were Eli or Adam." Bianca understood. Eli understood.

I was still confused on why Drew would hug me. I peeked around the corner only to see Sean getting kicked out, and Riley going to Simpson's office.

He was going to get a talk from Zane.

I sat on the bench, confused of my life. All I did was make mistakes, I felt dizzy.

He sat next to me, "I don't know about life." I said, "Everything crashes down sooner or later." The sky drew dark.

"Attention students, we are issuing a lock down. Plea-" screams filled over the words, but I knew them by heart. _Please go to the nearest classroom and hide under your desks._

I did, I walked to Ms. Dawes' room and hid under my desk. I felt the earth shake. A lockdown and an earthquake?

I felt arms wrap around me. I heard a crash, my feet wanting to get up and run, but couldn't. But hey, I bet the person who caused the lock down probably died.

I began whispering jokes with Eli in the pitch black, my eyes had adjusted. I loved hearing his laugh.

I put my hand out from under my desk. A hand took it. I couldn't remember the touch exactly, but I still remembered it.

Fingers intertwined mine. Eli pushed my head against the leg of the desk and began to kiss me. I let go of the hand, knowing that this might be the last kiss I get to have with him.

As soon as I saw a light come on from the hallway I ran. I stepped out into the hallway and saw a tornado, raging down upon me.

I was sucked up, chewed, and swallowed.

******'s POV**

I held her hand again. But she left, my eyes had adjusted to see her kiss a boy and run out. Emerald eyes stood there, giving me a look as I pretended not to notice.

Screams filled the hall, her screams. I remembered them from when I used to throw sand at her playfully from the sandbox.

Oh how I loved Clare. I could never forget her, her blue orbs, her long cinnamon curly hair, but she had cut it. I saw her run away as I arrived. I saw her yell and scream and hug that emerald eyed charmer.

The ground shook; I couldn't hold my urge any longer. I ran after her into the corridor and felt wind, it pulled me in.

**June 1, 2011 (Unknown time)**

Where was I? I saw a rundown town; someone had pulled me away from the road. The cracked road.

Blue eyes stood up next to me, her head covered with blood. I instantly took of my jacket and tapped her forehead with it. She backed away carefully.

"Where are we?" She asked. I looked around, remembering my vacations to this place, but not remembering whom I was with, or when. "We're in the pocket desert." I said.

She started walking to conquer her disabilities. "Alright then. Who are you?" She asked next. 18 more questions to go.

"Jake. Jake Martin. I was your-" she cut me off. "I remember you. I remember almost everything about you."

"Good." He said. I swept my light brown bangs out of my face. Clare was spinning in circles when I opened them.

"What's so likable?" I asked. She took my shoulders and started jumping up and down. "Life is perfect!"

She cheered, "I think I'm pregnant, I got away from the drama, and I'm with my… one of my best friends." Her head dropped.

"Where is he?" I heard her whisper. I grabbed her elbow, she flinched but a smile appeared on her face. "Whose baby is it?" I asked.

She fell into a gaze far away, as if she could talk to him right now. "Eli's. Eli Goldsworthy's baby."

The baby was Eli's? Great, she chose him over me. I used to be her best friend, until that gem-eyed boy appeared.

"_Clare!" I shouted. My feet ran quickly to her at the water fountain. "Look! I made a sand castle!" I cheered.  
>"Cool," she said. She walked toward it, but someone was already admiring it.<em>

"_Hi!" She greeted. He turned around and looked deeply at her with those eyes, but not saying a word. "That's mine." I proudly said. "It looks great," he said. _

_I gave him a look where as Clare was staring at his eyes as he shuffled to the swing set._

"_I'm going to go talk to him." Clare said while strolling away. I had lost her. I stomped on my castle as they both had a contest to see who could swing the highest._

I smiled. "Eli, huh? You're still best friends with him?" I asked, knowing her answer. Her white teeth showed.

"I'm his girlfriend. So how have you been?" She asked, changing the subject. I wanted to tell her my torturous life, but kept it locked in the closet. I wouldn't be coming out any time soon.

"Great. I moved back here from Seattle. Drank a lot of coffee." I laughed. She laughed. The desert sun went down.

"Let's look around." She said, starting to walk.

We soon found a mountain, and decided to rest for the night. Were we ever going to get back? Or start our newly connected lives here?

"You know, Jake," She began, I had to listen but I didn't want to, "I never meant to leave you."

"Then be mine!" I said, she got up and started walking away from me. I lay on top of the mountain, watching her head shake back and forth.

"I still love you!" I shouted. She stopped for a second to look back, and then began walking.

**Bianca's POV**

I stepped out into the hallway. I see feet appear, combat boots approach. "Do you know where Clare is?" Eli asks urgently.

"I thought she was with you." I said. He sighed. "I saw a guy under one of the desks, she left, and he ran out after her. After that I don't really know." He said. He stepped on top of the roughage.

"Well how far could she have gotten?" I asked, he looked down, his eyes about to drown, "A few hundred miles." He said.

"We'll look everywhere." I said, and grabbed his hand. I ran over the broken bits of glass to the parking lot. Everything had been stomped on.

We started running for miles. The last I remember, we had reached the pocket desert.

I fell to the ground next to him. Out of breath, sundown, and the desert could get freezing. I saw a dark miniature figure walk our way.

"Hello?" Her feminine voice greeted. Eli and I shot up. "Clare!" We both said. We hugged the poor ragged girl. I saw scars on her arms.

She pulled Eli away and whispered in his ear. "What?" He yelled. "Who's back?

"Jake is." She replied, looking down.

She trotted toward the mountain. "Jake! There's someone here to meet you!" I couldn't see his eyes through his light brown hair, but I could tell I liked him.

"Jake Martin, we meet again." Eli said, his eyes widening in surprise as Jake walked past him, stopped, and turned around.

"Eli Goldsworthy," he replied, he gave Eli a look and then began their silence.

I kept starring, my eyes distracted by the radar in my face. Orbs shined my way; the look on her face told me she knew the secret. But what about Drew, I loved them both.

I walked up to Clare, and to break the silence at the same time we let out the secrets. "I'm pregnant," we sang in harmony.

Eyes stopped to look at both of us. Faces showing no reaction. Stranded in the desert, the four of us had to find a way home.


	17. My Once Last Word

**Chapter 17: My Once Last Word**

**Clare's POV**

I said the words. I tried spelling them out over and over again until we got back home. Jake had left and gone to his house, B walked with him. His house was actually a few houses away from hers.

"We should go get some tests." I said. I stuffed my hands in my jean jacket's pockets. Thankfully Eli had brought one for me. My tank top was getting cold.

"We will once you're cleaned up." He said, walking to the sidewalk. I wanted to stay in the desert, and learn more about Jake.

I wanted to know why he had come back, but I already knew the answer, and it caused me to want to run away.

I couldn't test. I fell asleep on his warm carpet. My clothes were nice and snuggly, they had just been retrieved out of the drier. I rested my arm on his wooden desk, only causing my head to smash into my elbow.

We would go tomorrow, I just needed the answer.

**Eli's POV**

"_How are you?" A voice asked. Her sweet voice filled the room, and I smiled. I didn't want to turn around and look into her hazel eyes. I kept my eyes focused on the stage._

"_Fine," I replied "Just fine." I tried walking closer. Walking away from her. _

"_Where are you going?" She asked. I twisted my head into my shoulder, "Julia, if you love me, you'll go away, and you'll let Clare and me." I walked on stage._

"_But I can't!" She screamed. I couldn't hear her after one more step. All I heard was the lyrics to Paisley Jacket. That's all I wanted to hear._

_To be completely honest, I wanted to holds her. I missed my Julia. She was giving me chances, and they would soon run out. _

_She walked up on stage. I could have run off and away from the concert, but remembered why I was here. I wanted to have some fun in my life._

_I wanted to change it. Change it all, my past, my mind, my Julia. Somehow I could erase it._

_She walked up behind me, her heels clacking on the metal. She spun me around; I was her puppet, completely in shock, not being able to move._

"_I love you," She spoke, she kissed, I was unable to move, but she was a wave. My eyes wide, my hands in fists. I felt her soft hand caress my face._

"_Eli. If you keep on being with her, you'll see me more." She said. "But I can't leave either of you! I love you both!" I yelled across the music._

"_Now is your time to choose, I gave you another chance." She sighed; her hair was taken over by the breeze. "Clare. She's the one that I can have. This isn't real! I can't hold you like I can Clare!"_

_A grin widened across her face. "Eli James Goldsworthy, thank you for deciding. This is the last time you will see me." She said. Her teeth showed as she faded away. I saw six eyes in the audience, in the front row._

_I stood next to Clare and Fiona as we rocked out to the concert. I forgot my worries for once._

Until I woke up.

Clare's head rest on my desk in her arms. I pulled her over to my bed and lay down next to her. Instantly she cuddled into me.

**June 1, 2011**

Clare was dressed and ready, she sat with her feet on my desk holding the PS3 controller. "C'mon die already!" She whisper yelled to her own self as she rapidly pressed R1. She checked back at me after losing the round, I pretended to be asleep.

As soon as she looked back and the game was on the start menu, I jumped out of the bed not making a sound, and grabbed the other controller.

"What the? Split screen? Alright then," She said, a smirk appeared across her face, "Special Ops."

After a few rounds in the middle I set the controller down at just the point where she leaned forward to not cramp up. I snuck up on her and wrapped my arms around her neck.

Her blue eyes sparkled; I couldn't resist planting a chaste kiss on her cheek.

"Ready to go?" I asked. Her face dropped into the black. "As I'll ever be," she replied, got up and we headed out the door.

She looked spooked, "It never gets easier than this," she mumbled. I kept her close, "You're with B on this one, and nobody is going to make fun of you." She turned around, her eyes red, "Jake hates me, because I'm with you." She said, her heart was broken.

"You still have other best friends, Jenna, Bianca, me." I said. "But he was my friend from the start." We walked inside the pharmacy and headed to the aisle.

"Why don't we get more than one, just in case?" I suggested. She picked up the brands First Response, e.p.t, and hCG.

**June 1, 2011 11:24 am**

**Adam's POV**

I walked in. Fiona was sitting on the couch with a glass in her hand. She was talking on the phone and didn't notice my arrival.

I listened quietly, "Hey, what's up?" She asked.

"Do you think I could come over tonight, say, 9:00?" I gasped quietly, was my Fi cheating?

"Alright, see you then." She said, with a beep she drooped the phone.

She stood off the white couch and began to walk, I grabbed her arm. "Ouch! Adam that hurts!" She said, trying to cling my arm off.

"You tell me something Fiona! You tell me who that was!" I shouted. She twisted her arm to get me off, I loosened my grip. She started running down the stairs and out the door.

My Fiona Celestine Arabella Coyne had done the worst thing possible.

I watched her leave through the peep hole, and then walked over to the couch.

"Caller ID, caller ID," I kept muttering. _Bobby Beckonridge _came on the mini screen. I thought he abused her.

If Fi wanted to be treated horribly, then I was going to be the worst boyfriend. I stood off the couch and started to walk out, until I noticed two things on the counter.  
>There were two champagne bottles, each empty.<p>

I found a receipt on the chair, they were both bought today. Fiona had gotten drunk.

I walked to the border line.

**Clare's POV**

"Shouldn't it be done?" I asked as I opened the bathroom door for Eli to walk in. I guided my finger over the manual; the third step, and wait for three minutes.

The black haired boy stood close by, and waited, counting every second until the wait was over.

I stood up from the bath tub edge, and looked at each of them, each showing two bars.

"I was so happy until this," my voice started to trail off, "I told Jake how happy I was thinking I was pregnant. I never thought the moment would come like this.

A knock came at the door; I walked downstairs and disposed of them out back and telling Eli to answer it. When I came back I wanted to run, brown eyes glared at me.

"Clare, come here!" She ordered. I ran to the door and slammed it in the woman's face and ran up the stairs.

I sat on the edge of the universe, thinking about that lady's loud speakers slamming a guitar at the door.

"Clare!" He shouted after me. He brushed the hair away from my face; I could feel his hot breaths against my cheeks. "You can't be afraid like this anymore. She loves you whether you believe it or not."

"But, Eli, I don't love her. She only cares about my dad, never me. She can't replace the wonderful woman my mother once was." He guided me down the stairs.

"Clare. Your father and I want you to come home. We can't supervise you here!" She said.

"But Cece and Bullfrog do! And you can't know my secret!" I yelled. I poked her hard in the chest. "Tell dad I love him, but nothing else." I ordered. She wanted to reach in and grab me, just to pull me home.

**Adam's POV**

I ran back to her condo with the bag. I sat on the couch and relaxed.

"Hello?" She called as she turned the corner. "Adam! Please don't do this!" She asked. She fell to her knees in front of me and looked at the bag. 

"You're hiding the fact from me that you're cheating!" I said, and slipped one into my mouth.

"I asked him to meet me, so he would stop stalking me." She said, lowering her head. By the time I had already slipped more into my mouth.

I loved the adrenaline, but felt the torture in her eyes whenever I took one. I couldn't put the bag down.


	18. Forgiven Mistakes

** HEYY! PARTY PEEPS! HOW WAS YOUR GRADUATION? I GOT THIS BIGGEST APPLAUSE! **

** 18. Forgiven Mistakes**

**Helen's POV**

I stumbled home in the rain. I loved Clare, but I couldn't believe she had a secret she was keeping from me.

What was I supposed to think? That they were still little kids who didn't know anything? I knew I couldn't replace her mother, but I could try, right?

I could've taken Cece and Bullfrog to court, but what then would that do.

I slammed the door, and heard a faint, "Any good news?" From upstairs.

"She has a secret," I said and added a sigh. He came rushing down the stairs, his head bobbing with every hit.

"A secret?" He asked. I nodded slightly before going into a deep think.

"What if," I started; he read me and cut me off. "She's pregnant, isn't she?" He asked. I stood up from the oak chair and faced him.

_My eyes burned holes through her head as I look at her holding her stomach. That demon was standing beside her, ruining her life. She couldn't see the hate he had, like he was going to kill her._

_A flash came, I saw the picture of them smiling, holding a lovely baby girl._

_She looked happy with him, but under those deep green eyes was a boy with knife at hand._

I shook my head. "What's he like?" I asked my husband.

"Eli? The boy's the nicest ever. Never met someone so nice. She made the choice, Eli never pushed." He responded.

Never pushed, eh? Well, if Clare made the decision, that meant she was sidetracked by something, someone.

I ran out of there, after grabbing my poncho. I slipped it on and ran to the house. Only the childish thoughts were processing through my mind, making me feel five again.

While pinching my nose I took off the lid to their garbage can. Everything was getting soaked instantly. My arms dug into it until I felt something.

It was plastic for some part, a tiny piece to look at. I dragged it out. Two bars. That was easy!

I ran to Randal and showed him the answer. He threw it across the room and hit me.

"You're not her mother! You never were! You don't need to get in her life all the time! That's what I've been trying to tell you!" He shouted. I walked back outside, and down the street.

**Cece's POV**

"Mom! Dad!" He shouted from upstairs. I walked up them and skipped the one that creaked.

"Yes?" I asked as I entered the room. The two lovebirds lay on the floor next to each other, each propping their head up.

"Oh," Eli said, getting up, "Well um," He started pacing making me dizzy, "Clare is-" I cut him off.

"Eli will you just get to the damn point!" I said, and added a chuckle. "Okay," He took Clare's hands and lifted her up off the floor.

"Clare's pregnant." He said, his face turned red, Clare's cheeks turned pink.

"Oh lord kill me now." I said as I turned down the stairs, "This is Julia all over again!" I shouted back up.

I hated the look Clare gave me then. "Julia?" She asked.

I scratched the back of my neck and stood there for a while. I put my hand in my pocket to turn up the volume on my phone, which went BOOP every time you changed it.

"Oh it's… Drew." I said before placing the iPhone to my ear. Clare left the room and went down the stairs.

_You call my name_

_I come to you in pieces_

_So you can make_

_Me whole_

Shit! She came up the stairs with a smirk on her face and a phone to her ear. I pressed accept and quickly told her one minute.

"Hello?" I called into the phone. I smirked mentally at her.

**Bianca's POV**

"Oh, hey Jake." I greeted unimpressed as I opened the door. We had been hanging out the last few days and I think it's been giving Drew the wrong ideas.

"Hey B." He greeted as he shut the front door with a bang. I started walking backwards talking to him until I hit my blue wall.

He killed me. Crushed my life with his lips. "B what the fuck?" I heard Drew shout.

I flinched. "Drew, I'm sorry. I just, I don't know! It was a mistake! I'm sorry!" I yelled out to him. Jake closed the door and began to run his hands up my sides again.

"Get away from me!" I yelled as I slapped his hand.

"I'm sorry!" He pleaded for forgiveness towards me.

"Drew!" I shouted, my hoodie flopping in the breeze. He turned around.

"B, listen. I think we should just be friends." He held his hand out and I slowed my pace into a walking fashion.

My heart stopped. "No! No you can't do this! Just because you think doesn't mean its reality."

He took my hands. "This is real, B." He walked away.

We remained friends, best friends.

**Clare's POV**

I felt a stab of pain. My heart beat like a woodpecker. I sat on the table alone, holding my stomach screaming. Bullfrog ran over.

I lifted up my shirt over my stomach. It had the smell of blood on it. I crossed my arms around it and screamed more. I heard Bullfrog grab the phone and call the paramedics, then Cece and Eli.

I was loaded after I blacked out. I found myself in a medical bed.

"She's awake!" I heard a voice yell. I tapped my head. My vision fuzzy.

The voices were helicopter propellers, but I couldn't see who was talking to me. All I heard were voices and I squinted to see, but couldn't.

"Clare, honey, you won't be able to see for about 2 minutes." B said to me. I recognized that voice anywhere.

"What happened to her?" I heard someone ask. It was the same girl Eli had named Gaga.

"She had a miscarriage." Cece sighed after her sentence.

I had lost my baby? "How?" She asked.

"With all this drama, I think it was stress." Cece complained.

My vision started coming back. As soon as I could see I held Jenna in a tight hug. She hugged me back.

"What made you come back to our little group?" I giggled. She looked away and let me go. "It just didn't feel right being with the other popular people." She shrugged her shoulders.

I got up and hit my feet on the floor. I looked at my feet and started crying. Everyone comforted me.

"We're all over. I'm moving back with Helen and my father." I ran off, covering my face with my hands.

Strong hands caught my shoulders. I looked up into brown eyes. "It's alright." KC said.

"P-please drive me home." I asked. He nodded and took me to the car. I gave a quick glance back to Eli, who stood frozen. I saw a sparkle run down his cheek, and a spark flash out.

"Turn here," I pointed to the street sign. He moved the car. I ran in and up the stairs. At the top stair stood a memory, a nightmare for a child.

I threw the picture of Eli and me hugging each other at Wonderland.

"No. Please no! Don't let this be!" I yelled to myself as I looked for my life, digging through drawers.

I found it. I skinned my wrists with the razor. I held my stomach, as if there were still another life there.

Someone whispered my name. I could see the short shaggy hair in the mirror. I could feel his breathing.

"KC." I mocked. A smirk emerged from my face.

"Do you want me to get him off your mind?" He asked. He looked through my bathroom counters drawers after setting down the bloody razor.

He took my hand, I loved the touch. The gentle boy had come to… save me. He poured some Peroxide on my cut. Then placed a bandage on it.

"Why did you do this? Why didn't you want to get rid of it?" He asked.

"It was his." I turned to look at me next to KC in the mirror. Just like old times.

"Bianca got her heart broken; maybe you two could watch a movie and throw rotten tomatoes at the guy who dumped the main character?" It was a nice suggestion. But why just tomatoes?

A smile appeared across my face. "Sure." I walked down the stairs next to KC. Helen waiting for me with open arms.

"You're home!" She greeted. I snarled at the word. _Home, _it had a ring to it.

"And now that I am, I'm staying." I said with a grin. I opened the door and walked to B's.

"See you later, Clarebear." KC joked and picked me up. I punched him in the arm and he let me down. Bianca had the most rebellious smile on her face.

"So," I began, acting like I didn't see her expression, she was so easy to read, "Chick flick, eh?"

She pulled my arm inside the house. "You were there, that night, right?" She nodded slowly.

"I'm supposed to feel mad, and sad, right?" I asked. She sighed as we sat on the leather couch.

"Why did you need to dump him? He was always there for you, and it's not like he meant to kill the baby!" She added her point.

"I just know with him, I'll never get a second chance. I wanted what you have; you're bringing a new life to the world. You have a new child for God." I pointed to her stomach.

"But. I'm giving up my freedom." She pointed out. "What do you mean? What freedom are you giving up? You've heard of a babysitter right?"

She nodded and turned on the TV. I swept glances at her stomach. _A beautiful girl and boy, I can't wait to see how gorgeous that baby would be._ I thought.

I was so jealous! "So, he and you are over?" I asked, she put a hand on my shoulder and dramatically said, "For now."

That sentence made me think of _him_.

"So," She began flicking through the Netflix on her PS3, "what about Falling for Grace?" I nodded, not really caring.

How could Julia stand him? He had sex with her too, right? Maybe he was stuck in the moment. Or, moments.

B was so interested in the movie, she didn't notice me get up and walk away.

"You dumb ass!" She shouted and I turned around after reaching the elevation a yard away from the TV.

"What?" I asked, she shook her head and brushed her curls back into perfect harmony, she mumbled a not you.

I sat on the sink in her bathroom. "Eli?" I asked after I heard a 'Hello?'

"Clare, I'm sorry. But it's different without you. I need you. I feel horrible about the baby. Please?" He begged.

I mumbled my answer and could feel his day drop.

I walked across the tile, making sure to step on the ones that chimed under my converse.

I sat back onto the couch next to B as she began a conversation. "I know that since I was with Drew you thought that it was his, but remember its KC's."

"So what," I began, "KC is beautiful too." She chuckled. "The three of them, Eli, Drew, and KC, are all beautiful."

Just that sentence made my mind go crazy. She thought Eli was beautiful? I knew he was, but we were like the three amigos before Adam came. And when Adam came Julia came.

I nodded carefully. Soon, I was asleep.

_I gave him a smirk and was felt secure as my back hit the wall. He came up and put his hand on the spot right above my hand before reaching down to kiss me._

_I felt him bite my lip and let out a soft moan. I opened for him, his tongue moving in a pattern with mine. I smiled mentally and pulled him to my bed._

_He slipped his shirt off before kissing me again. He helped me get off my shirt before finding the spot on my neck that made me go psycho. _

"God you fall asleep easily!" A voice shouted. "Clare! Wake the fuck up!" I opened my eyes. B was shaking me.

I got up and threw on my brown knitted cardigan. "I need to leave." I said as I raced for the front door. I heard socks rubbing the rug, and felt a shock on my arm. "Clare, why the fuck are you leaving?" She asked.

I sighed and turned to face her, my back against the door. I felt the handle dig into my skin with a shovel. "I had a dirty dream, that's all."

She squealed so loud I covered my ears and closed my eyes. "Who was it? Give me the dets!" She said as she made me jump up and down.

"It was just… uh… it was Eli." I said and scratched the back of my head. I made it seem like I was lying.

"Clare, I know that look, who it was _really_?" she asked. "Fine," I said crossing my arms, "KC." I said.

She looked like she had stubbed her toe again.


	19. Already Gone

** A/N I will put what Bianca looks like on my profile!**

** 19. Already Gone**

**Drew's POV  
><strong>I walked up the three concrete stairs as I watched a lizard on the black railing. A few young boys were called in by their parents.

Slipping the golden key into the slot and turning it, I head a _clack_. I opened the door to see a mess on the floor.

I stepped over the mess of broken drywall and sat down at my small bar. A hand fell upon the straight line of a mouth I had as I let out a sigh.

"Perfect," I muttered, "just what I needed. I just needed to be robbed for my life story to be complete."

_Plot, clank, and boop_ went the sounds of the cup, mix, and the blender. The plug fit snug in the socket, and I began my 007 Martini.

Repeating the recipe twice, I felt like I could do anything. My Vans ran outside and down the sidewalk to KC's 'secret' party.

**Jenna's POV**

"Come dance with me!" A voice shouted, "Can you be mine tonight?" Another asked. I walked to the dining table to a smiling KC. "Nice outfit, Jenna." He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

I was dressed in a black top that hugged me and had black lace. It was similar to lingerie, only I wasn't planning on being the 16 year old who walks into Victoria's Secret and asks for lingerie.

It was covered at the end with ripped jean shorts that went up to the middle of my thighs. My heels clacked with the black 6-inch stilettos.

"Hola, KC. Nice party." I greeted. The girls ran to Drew walking in. I closed my eyes frustrated, still holding the smile on my face.

I opened my eyes and grabbed a red plastic cup. "How's your little deal?" I asked him, arching my eyebrows.

"20 bucks a day. I actually feel bad for her. I mean, she lost her kid, lost her boyfriend, and now she's cutting herself!" He said, counting his fingers with every detail.

"KC, she's just naïve. Why didn't we invite her? I mean, I'm her friend." I tried to be reasonable with him for a second.

He gave the answer, "She's spending the night at B's. Chick flicks, picture drawing,-" I cut him off.

"Do you really think that what we girls do? Wow, KC, you underestimate us, by a lot!" I chuckled. He gave me the most gecko look ever.

"Then what do you girls do?" He asked. I smiled at him. "Sorry sweetie, girls only." I whispered and brushed my finger along his chin seductively while responding.

He sighed. I finished the last of the booze and grabbed a shot glass. "Want one?" I asked, he held up his hand, showing the cup.

I took the shot. I scurried to the dance floor and started dancing.

My eyes scurried, they met Anya's. My hand grabbed hers and we stood on top of the table to start dancing. KC looked at me with bloodshot eyes. Yup, now everyone was drunk.

I held her hands and began spinning; little did I know I was on the edge.

I fell off the side of the table into safe arms. I looked into the brown eyes. "Um, thanks Adam." I said. I placed a kiss on his cheek before scurrying off into the crowd of dancers.

I could tell he was looking for me, watching the movement just as if he were the computer from Eagle Eye, looking out for Shia LeBouf.

The oak chairs felt sharpened to the touch against my skin. My body moved from everywhere to get comfortable, but never could in the box.

"So," A voice began. I knew the voice anywhere, and I sat up and looked into Drew's eyes. "How was Prince Charming's catch?" He asked. It was so immature, going into his brothers business.

"I don't think alcohol was in Snow White. And I'm a blond. But you're right about the wicked mother, I'm already dead." I complained, he gave me a bored look and I saw 3 pairs of eyes still staring at me.

I flipped my hand at them before turning back to Drew. "So you dumped B? Wow, you got some nerve going to KC's party." I chanted. Anyone could get out of that slut's arms.

He placed his hand on his neck and began rubbing it out of frustration, "I'm not supposed to be regretting it though." He complained.

Why feel bad of getting rid of B? This is turning out to be something.

"Well… It's like that after every breakup. You're supposed to feel horrible, but how horrible?" I asked him while motioning with my hands. I crossed my legs so I wouldn't jump at the answer.

"I left her all alone, pregnant, with nobody. She has no one to relate to, I mean, Clare just had a miscarriage-" My mind drifted off on the boat to that island. I remembered it perfectly.

"_Hello?" I asked into my cell phone. I heard shouts, and most importantly I heard Eli saying "hospital," and "Clare." He sounded panicked and like he was going to crash Morty._

_What had made him think he had to be first?_

_I hitched a ride from Bianca. It felt awkward for me, sitting in a car next to a person I hated. She stole KC from me… after I stole him from Clare._

_I saw her pretty blue orbs move. Her body still in the hospital gown. She had wires attached to all sides of her body, and a monitor for her stomach._

_My best friend, Clare Diane Edwards' baby had died while growing._

"_What caused it?" I asked the roaming boy. He bumped into a doctor with coffee before telling me. "Stress. I guess with her mother and us she couldn't take it. She tries too hard to do everything."_

_He took her pale, motionless hand. Even though it couldn't hold his, he felt her heart, and smiled. That is true love. It was true when you can hear the person from a mile away in a crowded mall, and when you can be safe around them during a war. _

_She opened her eyes and began trying to rub them with her palms. Helen looked at her pale face and sighed. "You won't be able to see for about 3 minutes." She said before stepping away from the bed in disgust._

_I mentally snarled at the lady. Her own daughter may have died and she sighs and turns away! Clare could see me doing that and reached up to hug me. Her eyes didn't look as glossy as they did a few minutes ago._

_I hugged her back. She got up and left the bed, walking hazily into KC. I wanted to run after her, but my dare was just getting good. _

_A month ago KC and I made a bet that he would make her fall in love with him. $50 if._

"Yeah. I understand, I mean, you feel bad. She shouldn't be in that position if she doesn't want to, right?" I questioned. He nodded like he had a big secret, and looked at the ground.

He jumped up in agreement and threw a giant fit making me laugh over it. I hugged him to make him feel better with the whole B situation. Maybe she wasn't _as_ bad as I remember.

He walked out the front door, and that was the last I saw of him.

**Clare's POV**

_I'm about to lose my mind,_

_You've been gone for so long,_

_I'm running out of time. I need a doctor,_

_Call me a doctor_

I buried my head in the pillow before watching as the numbers rose. "5, 6, 7, 8." Bianca and I counted.

The name Jenna Middleton flashed across the screen, as well as playing Toby Turner's I'm a Bird Remix.

I picked it up; Jenna was talking quietly across the loud music. "Drew is coming for Bianca." Was what I heard. I muttered a manner into the phone before hanging up and telling Bianca.

She ran inside and up the stairs to her room. I finished putting away the Nerf guns from our battle.

I helped her straighten her hair and give her a smoky look.

"Just show him what he's been missing." I told her. She started looking at herself in the mirror.

Drew knocked at the door. I came downstairs before her and instantly smelled the alcohol on his breath when I opened the door.

"Your drunk, aren't you?" I asked him. His slang was hesitant, but he began. "KC's party is awesome! You got to come!" He said. I let out a sigh and heard B walk down the stairs in her ballet flats.

I turned to her in a sparkled silver dress that went to her knees. Her hair was tied back in a bun, she looked so stunning.

I motioned to her to stop it and cut it out, but she ignored and proceeded past me. She stepped on the heaven in which I wasn't on.

"Hello Drew." She greeted and fluttered her eyes. He pulled her in a hug. "I'm sorry." He said. I saw his glossy eyes dart toward me.

I left them to solve my own business. I walked the blocks and crossed the grass to knock on the door. He opened it, his eyes bloodshot.

"What happened?" I questioned. He sniffled and walked to the side of the front door. I walked in and up the stairs.

"Without you… I don't have anything." He whimpered and turned his arm. He cut himself on the same place I did.

"Don't do this. You have everything that I don't. I don't have loving parents, I don't have a wonderful home, and I don't even have faith." He looked up at me, then at his floor. There, right next to his foot, was a blood stain.

"Cece and Bullfrog!" I shouted. They came running up. "Can I please move back in?" I asked them. Smiles filled the room, one mine.

Before I could think straight I jumped up and hugged Eli. He held his hand as it wrapped around my back.

I wanted it to last forever. I wanted to run to the hell place and grab my things immediately, but I wanted to hold him.

He let go. I thanked them and ran back to my house again. KC and Jake were outside fighting.

**So? did You like? Love? Hate? I know i'm leaving u on a cliff here but the next one is going to be BIG! im planning 10 more chapters before the big finale! and don't forget to look EclareandGir (mah chan) for B's outfit! ~~~Collee~~~ '-'**


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